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Anger (2019)

A bonfire is glowing in my head,
It spreads, for there are no firemen,
Tinder is added, other fires begin,
Then they all join into one,
Until all my head is aflame.

I think of water to cool myself,
Extinguish that anger,
A secret hide-out I run to, physical and metaphorical,
I open my eyes, hoping I am fine,
But the match starts again.

The image of water is now a sea,
And I am at the edge, being forced in,
I walk slowly, each step taking me farther,
The cool sand turns to cold water,
Salt pours into old wounds,
Yet still I walk,
Then I realize I am but a tiny speck,
Swimming on the horizon,
The beach is just a line to me,
And I am floating away from it.

I am now on my own as no one is pushing me out,
My anger is now in my hands,
And I choose to sink,
So tired of living on air,
My arms stop moving, legs grinding to a halt,
The last inch of my body disappears beneath,
I am the ocean’s game.

Frustration was what pushed me out, setting me up,
I let myself go down into the ocean,
I welcome this feeling of anger,
Simple things can set it off.
I traverse the layers of this foreign ocean,
Frustration is the first level,
Anxiety is the next,
And the deepest, darkest part, the ocean floor, where everything ends up,
Shadows of objects that once were land here,
This is the level of fear, for I am terrified,
Fear is not anger though,
But with proper treatment,
Is the most dangerous of all.

I can’t live like this, I am drowning in fear,
Lungs fill up, yet still I am alive,
It is enticing to return, but it is necessary,
I know now it is not important,
We land on the beach.

Still I am weighted down by the shackles of anger,
Then I am shocked back, reminded,
Shown just how ignorant anger is,
I slide off my rusty shackles,
Floating up to the surface as quick as I can,
What a fool I have been,
But thinking is hard when I am scared.

Out on the boat heading back to shore,
I cry, for I regret my drifting,
But at the same time, I thought it made sense,
I hated seeing reason,
Each minute I draw away from anger,

I can’t remember why I was angry now,
I only remember the lesson at the end,
Life moves on, but I still can see the sand, the water,
Sometimes at the beach I take a dip,
But I remember how useless it was,
I walk away from the turbulent water,
It looks so appealing,
But it is so dangerous.

Small fragments of distant memories,
Peaking through the trees,
The Sea of Anger I left behind,
I only see parts, for I grew the trees that now block my view,
I shall never come back.

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